


Statistical Probability

by randomcheeses



Series: What if? [28]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Gen, Gen Fic, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-20
Updated: 2011-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-15 19:24:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/164154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomcheeses/pseuds/randomcheeses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's 98% certain</p>
            </blockquote>





	Statistical Probability

"There's your stupid drink. Happy now?"

Roy groaned under his breath and leaned back into his pile of pillows. It should, he decided, be noted down somewhere that he officially had the worst luck in the world.

Having chivalrously agreed to walk his aide's dog while she was recovering from surgery, he had slipped on some ice in East City park and broken his leg, badly enough to necessitate some time in hospital himself. Hawkeye, now out of the hospital and back on duty, had come to visit him exactly once. This, Roy was taking (quietly- he was not suicidal) as a personal insult.

When Hawkeye had been laid up in a hospital bed, he had rushed immediately to her side in order to comfort her. He'd even agreed to walk her dog every day for a week in six inches of snow. Such was his dedication to his lieutenant that he'd gone out in dangerously icy conditions when every other sane person was at home by the fire. And now that he was here, stuck in a chilly hospital bed with his leg held in the air by some sort of complicated sling, was his dedicated lieutenant by his side?

No. she'd visited one time and proceeded to load his bedside cupboard with _paperwork._

In fact the only one to come visit him on a regular basis was Fullmetal of all people. And there was a puzzler, now he came to think of it. What had happened to 'Fuck off and die' or 'do us all a favour and jump off a cliff' or even the suitably accurate for this occasion 'Go break a leg'? Of cause for even more confusion was the fact that Fullmetal was refusing to leave. Roy wasn't sure why yet, but Ed was coming up with every excuse possible to stay.

Roy had suggested he visit Central Library to do research. Ed had insisted that it was closed due to the snow.

Roy had pointed out that he was touched by the visit but that Ed should feel free to go back to his hotel room where Al was waiting. Ed had claimed that Al was busy and that the hospital was warmer than his hotel room.

Roy had narrowed his eyes at the incredibly blatant lie. Ed had glared back at him defiantly.

Roy had ordered Ed to get him a drink in the smuggest, most Ed-provoking tone of voice he had. Ed had _gotten him his drink._

Finally, Roy decided to throw caution to the winds and go for the direct approach. "Fullmetal, I order you to leave."

"No."

"That was a direct order, Major Elric."

"I can't!" Ed snapped back. Roy stared at him mild bemusement as his hot headed young subordinate's cheeks coloured. Then, just as he was about to favour the boy with a sarcastic remark, Ed coughed in embarrassment and mumbled "Lieutenant Hawkeye said she'd shoot me if I did."

Roy's witty remark died in his throat. ". . . oh."

"Yeah. So, sorry Colonel Jackass, but I'm stuck here as much as you are."

"Oh," Roy said again, his brain still a little blind-sided by the revelation. "She really said that?"

"Yep," Ed confirmed dully, flopping into the chair next to Roy's bed. "Don't s'pose you have any idea about what to do for the next five hours?"

Roy considered this.

 _Hmm. A way to spend five hours with Fullmetal and prevent either of us going insane. . ._

He cleared his throat. "Have you ever played chess, Fullmetal?"

The boy shrugged. "Heard of it when I was a kid. Never actually got 'round to learning it though."

"No?"

Ed scratched distractedly at his right arm and took a sudden interest in the ceiling tiles . "Yeah, well, we were busy," he muttered.

Roy winced inwardly. "There's a board on the shelf over there," he said hastily, pointing to chess set General Grumman had left behind him after his initial visit. "Bring it here and I'll show you how to set up the pieces. Though I doubt you'll learn enough to beat me in five hours," he added slyly.

"Oh yeah?" Ed retorted, anger and competitiveness automatically over-riding his momentary depression. "Just you wait Mustang, I'm gonna hand you your ass!"

Roy allowed himself to smirk smugly as Ed fixed him with a glare. All was once again right with the world.

###

"Really?" Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes said slowly. "You wrangled _Ed_ into staying at the hospital with Roy?"

"Yes," Hawkeye answered calmly.

"Really?" Hughes repeated. "Lieutenant, not that I doubt your superb judgement or anything, but isn't that a recipe for, well, utter disaster?"

At this, the lieutenant smiled serenely. "Having Ed there to argue with will distract the Colonel from the pain in his leg," she explained, "while arguing with the Colonel will help Edward keep his mind off his last mission. It didn't go as well as expected and Alphonse mentioned that his brother was still feeling a little disappointed."

"And a disappointed Ed is a grouchy Ed," Hughes added thoughtfully, "and thus an impediment to getting any work done. Whereas, if he's around Roy. . ."

"Exactly."

"So it's a pretty brilliant idea," Hughes admitted. He paused. "Provided they don't kill each other first. Or blow up the hospital."

"That is a statistically low probability."


End file.
